POST 21 #

my wallpaper has finally been put up, so im very happy. it makes my room look so different. i just have to find some bed covers now and put my new shelves up which will hopefully be done within the next 2 weeks and then my room is finally complete after a year of being in it! i'll put up a picture of my room like it is at the moment tomorrow because its a bit untidy now.
i had my little interveiw/meeting with Nicky yesturday for working at the UK HipHop Championships next month. it sounds like its going to be a really busy weekend when she explained it all. hopefully we get like a hoodie from the merchandice to keep, suposidly they're really nice as well.
i have my Sport for Health festival on tuesday in Bishop Stortford. its a bit of a journey for me but its going to be a good day working and coaching younger kids. and of course, it goes straight on my CV for work experience. im so glad i got involved with the saracens project because the ammout of experience work i get out of them is just truely amazing. still cant wait for Wembley on the 13th.

POST 20 #

should i get a tattoo? i've been thinking so much about it now.
this is what im looking at getting...

POST 19 #

wooo its finally the weekend. hopefully am putting up my new wallpaper on sunday and going shopping tomorrow for a new jacket and some duvet covers. i've also got an interview tomorrow to talk about the work im doing at the end of the month with the UK HipHop Championships.
have got just 2 weeks until im working at Wembley with the rest of the Saracens team. i even get to meet Chipmunk and The Saturdays. i think im a little excited even if its going to be cold and most likely wet.
was looking at finally giving in and getting a blackberry today. found a fairly similar tariff to what im currently getting at the moment so has persuaded me more. it will have to be the blackberry curve though, as the other one doesnt look so nice in my opinion.

POST 18 #

im so proud of myself today. i've done so much assignment work, with the help of a mate though. thank you Nathan. i've managed to complete my research methods assignment and complete my sport in society and nutrition referals, all within a matter of hours. its weird how when one little thing in your life changes, so much more good or bad comes with it. since the Kevin situation finished ive been so much more happy and concentrated. if you see me around you will notice, if not im sure you'll notice reading up on my blog.

POST 17 #

this was the most amazing veiw i've seen all winter i think.
definatley beat the snow.

POST 16 #

just got back from my football match with the college team. there was a reason why i dont play girls football and today just proved it. it's too bitchy and rough. my left arm is dead like hell, and this is proving difficult to write because of it. it started to rain in the last 15minutes so my hair is now very messy. and worst thing was it being only a 7 a side match! i hate playing on such a small pitch because its literally just booting the ball one end and back again till you score, there is no skill involved.

anyway, here are the pictures i promised of my very tidy room.

POST 15 #

wow my bedroom is spotless now. was awake by 10am and started working straight away. it does look like a slight waste of a day when you notice the difference.
this is what my room looked like yesturday

tomorrow i'll post my photos from what my room looks like now. im sure you will be surprised. next week im doing my wallpaper and then my room is next to complete. i cant wait.

p.s. my football boots arrived today. so happy.

POST 14 #

i've chosen a wallpaper to put up as a feature wall in my room. my room is so plain, it needed a bit more colour but i hadn't found a wallpaper that i really liked that wouldn't just make the room darker. its a really nice floral pattern, white background, black vines n bright pink flower heads. its nice and bold so suits my room perfectly.

i've also got a massive picture frame, about a metre and half long and like 75cm to a metre width. its going on my opposite wall so i can pile pictures of me, my friends and family in like scrapbook formation.

tomorrow im going to have to start clearing the rubish in my room ready for the decorating. but then my room will finally be finished and all i'll need to buy are some new shelves, but im still not sure where to put them.

POST 13 #

i cant wait for my new footbal boots to arrive tomorrow. so excited about finally gettng a new pair since i used my old ones for 2 seasons. you see, i usually change my boots every season. i dont know why i guess its because i get bored quicky. i was going to buy the new F50's but im running low on money at the moment so i thought £100 on new football boots that i might not wear much is kind of a waste, so i got these F30.9's for £45.

POST 12 #

im cooking tonight. will have to start at about 4. im doing home made lasagne and i invited my nan is coming over. my parents decided they dont want to cook tonight and laid everything on my hands. well thanks mum and dad!
yeah so if you haven't figured it out already, im a very independent girl. i do everything for myself. i cook, i clean, i shop, i build, i fix, i do everything.

POST 11 #

these are a few lyrics from a song that im proud to say i can now relate to. i finally told Kevin that its over. i have nothing to do with him now. he cant hurt me anymore. its just me and the rest of the world.

We've run out of words we've run out of time

We've run out of reasons really why we together

We both know it's over baby bottom line

It's best we don't even talk at all

Cause I'm not comin' back I'm closing the door

I used to be trippin' over missin' you but I'm not anymore

I got the picture phone but baby your picture's gone

Couldn't stand to see your smile every time you dialed

'Cause it's over

Girl you know it's over this time

So when you call I'm pressin' seven

Don't wanna hear your messages messages

I'm tryna erase you from my mind

'Cause it's over

I swear girl it's over this time

So don't keep callin' leavin' messages

Don't wanna know where you been

Baby 'cause it's over

Then he goes out of your heart forever

And it hurts you but you know that it's better

POST 10 #

last night was ollie's 18th birthday down at the irish club. was fairly slow at the start as always because many people are still sober, but within about an hour everyone had been drinking and was livening up. met a few more new people and had a laugh with the old ones.
heres a few pictures of the night..

POST 9 #

think i've finally chosen an outfit for ollies 18th tomorrow evening. taken my time in it, i know! but you dont know how difficult it is to decide on what to wear especially when you are constantly out clubbing because you run out so fast and have to start all over again!

POST 8 #

have just finished my spray tan, so give it 2 hours and i'll be tango, haha. im so addicted to my fake tan in the winter, im not sure why, maybe because i've lost my gorgeous brown tan from the summer.
i still haven't slept but i did have a good day today. was surprised i wasn't as down as i thought i'd be. college definatly was what i needed. though i do now need to do an assignment that is due in tomorrow as well as sort my messy bedroom out, see my mates and sort out everything for friday night. yes, that still means i haven't totally decided on what colour im goin to wear.
i think i better get to work then!

POST 7 #

am trying to decide what im wearing on friday night. im going to my last ex's 18th birthday party and i cant figure out what colour i'm going to wear.
it's between purple, blue+white, black or animal print?

POST 6 #

ahhh yes college tomorrow.
there’s another story I can tell you. but this one is one of the few i cannot use the person’s name or go into much detail about it.
you see, me and this guy have had our past as well. no one in college will know who it is, for them it’s just constant guessing. but me and him both know what has happened, and i’ve promised not to mention this to anyone so i think i’ll shut up now.
back to my college work i guess. need to get these assignments finished otherwise getting into university is going to be looking very difficult.

POST 5 #

well i didnt sleep one wink last night. tears kept coming to my eyes and i couldn't stand thinking about this year. everyone says 'new year, new start'  but really you can change yourself whenever you feel the need to as long as you have will power.
now because i didn't sleep last night, i ended up writing down alot of things.
this became a letter of general feelings.

"baby.
there's so much i wish i could say. you are the special someone i care about most, the one whose love an friendship i couldn't live without. loving you is hard to regret, losing you is hard to accept, but even with all the hurt i've felt, letting you go is the most painful yet. loving you means everything to me. the friendship, love and wonderful times that you bring into my life are like nothing else ive ever known. thanks for the smile you gave me. i will never forget you. i love you so much more than you could ever guess, you are and always will be the one i love forever, my every happiness. and do you know what kills me the most, its i cant stop thinking of you. i still draw little hearts in my notebooks. i still smile when I hear a song you like. i can remember every night, on the phone before you went to sleep. because those days were the ones i wish we still had. why can't i stop this? the dreams, the thoughts, the tears. why do you still haunt me after all this time? my hand was shaking, and i could hardly breathe writing this letter for you to keep. and when you need a reminder or how i feel, even if you dont love me, i will always wait for you and no matter what happens, you are in my heart baby.
p.s. i love you."

you know, sometimes its easier to write things than say them. i could of sat there last night, at my desk and writen pages and pages more, but it does no good to the mind. my heart is so torn apart, theres no more mental pain anymore, that pain has gone and replaced it is a physical pain. my chest physically collapses. have you ever been punched in the stomach? that sharp pain that can leave you breathless for a few seconds. thats the exact pain i feel. sudden pain that seems to puncture my lung for a split second. the agony is unbearable!
and if i let you in on a little secret... im not even exagerating!
only one of my friends has seen this pain with me. because it was that night i stayed over her house, i screamed in pain and she had no idea how much i wasn't exagerating.
maybe someday it will die down and not hurt, but for now, i'm stuck with it.

POST 4 #

some of my new landscape photography i done last week. only just got round to uploading it.

hope you enjoy it. i know the first one is very unlike me but it just looked right when i was taking it. if you're a photographer you would understand what i mean.

POST 3 #

i realized i missed a massive part about myself yesterday. now you can laugh, cry, whatever you want, but its what it is. im head over heels in love.
now im not worried about talking about this guy because he knows how i feel about him, so there’s nothing to hide.

this is Kevin, he’s 23 now and he’s a lifeguard at my local swimming pool. i know he looks daft in this picture, but he's not much of a picture person really. we got talking in august last year after i split with my boyfriend at the time, Alex, after a year and a half.
i think it’s probably been since end of october when my heart started to skip every second beat. i find it really difficult to get through just over a day without texting him at least once. im sure he gets annoyed with it at times but he never shrugs me off.
he's leaving for three weeks tomorrow for a friend’s wedding in Australia, so it limits me being able to text him so much i guess. i can see the next three weeks being pretty hard to get through.

POST 2 #

wow, im back already, see what I mean about passion?

i thought today, for those that don’t know me, i’ll tell you a bit about myself.

simple things first i guess.

hopefully you’ve already guessed im a girl, if not you must be thinking im a camp guy or something. but yes i am female, and still in my teen years. i turned 18 in september, and i’ll say it now, 18 is just like every other year of your life, it’s nothing big.

my family is average i guess; mum, dad, brother, sister and me. yes i have two annoying little brats as siblings, brother is 13 and sister is 10. im not like any of my family really, i take after my dad with my sarcastic sense of humor but that’s it.

i love my sports. i don’t follow teams very well, i like actually playing the sport myself. so of course im in college taking a sport course. when im older i want to be a physiotherapist in a premiership team, in any sport really but most likely football.

POST 1 #

finally decided to start up a blog. im sure give it a few weeks this will be forgotten about too, because im like that you see, i start something with a passion and then lose all interest in it.

if you’re wondering what the title of blog is about i guess i should explain…
my life is full of me repeating the same mistakes over and over, i just never seem to learn. so i borrowed my little brother thesaurus and decided to find two fancy words for ‘continuous mistakes’, and, well ‘endless lapse’ is what it became.

im not planning on holding anything back on this blog. soon enough you’ll know my deepest, darkest secrets, or at least close to them. though for certain reasons i may not tell you certain people’s names, i’ll come up with some sort of code so you can still understand what the hell im babbling on about in future posts. but i will warn you now, a lot of my babbling is over guys.